How to Turn into What You Really Want in a Relationship
For most of us, we have this perfect ideal of what the fairy tale romance should look like. This is further shaped by our media consumption - books, television, and movies make it look so easy. Even social media can influence our perceptions and desires.
When we enter real-world dating situations, we are rarely met with that same ease and perfection. Whether you’ve had poor luck or are just ready to settle down with the right person, there are frequent challenges that come with today’s dating environment.
It may not be easy, but you can actively take steps to tune into what you really want and improve your outcomes.
Focus on Self-Reflection
You should be the person who knows yourself the best, right? Well…not as often as you think. It’s normal to spend time with family and friends getting to know their likes and dislikes. We understand them and their personalities.
But how often do we sit and have those same conversations with ourselves? As you move through different chapters of life, your needs and wants will change. Significant experiences will shape your maturity level and how you approach future challenges.
Spend some time focusing on self-reflection. Date yourself for a short time. Figure out who you are in this exact moment and what you’re putting into a relationship.
Identify Your Core Values
As you navigate this period of self-reflection, dedicate time to identifying your core values. What things are important to you? What are your non-negotiables when you enter into your next relationship?
Having aligned core values is a huge green flag for the longevity of a relationship. The more you’re able to recognize and own these values, the more you’ll be able to set realistic expectations.
Assess Past Patterns
Whether we want to admit it or not, many of us have patterns in our relationship histories. We go for the same type of person. We put ourselves in similar situations over and over again. We’re triggered and have natural stress responses that may impact the health of a relationship, especially if we have past traumatic or negative experiences.
Take a look at your past relationships and see if you notice any patterns. In the face of conflict, how do you typically respond? Are there any areas you need to improve upon in your own growth story?
Look at Positive Examples
Comparison isn’t always an effective strategy, especially concerning relationships. You’ll drive yourself crazy trying to fit the mold of everything you see in the media. You don’t want to spend time comparing yourself or a partner directly to another couple.
Where comparison can be beneficial is in behaviors. Look at those in healthy relationships around you. What do they do well? Are there behaviors that are worth emulating? Take any positive attributes and store them in your mind for your next (or current) relationship.
Get Comfortable Being Vulnerable
Communication is one of the largest foundational blocks for a healthy relationship. When you find someone with whom you’re ready to settle down, it’s important to prioritize open and honest communication. This involves being vulnerable.
Sharing that part of yourself, including all of the work you’ve done with the previous steps, will set you up for more success in the long run.
Ask for Professional Guidance
Personal growth and development aren’t something you have to do on your own. Exploring relationship therapy and professional guidance is an option available to you. Together, we can work through any challenges you’re experiencing and transform your situation into one that brings you what you are really looking for. Schedule your first appointment with us today.