How to Learn from Your Relationship Mistakes and Move Forward
Do you feel like you’ve been in somewhat of a rut where relationships are concerned? Are you feeling a bit overwhelmed with the dating scene? If the answer is yes, you’re not alone.
A healthy relationship isn’t going to fall into your lap. They take time, effort, and a willingness to make the necessary improvements. A good relationship will be something that requires work from both partners throughout its duration.
There is no recipe to say if you do “abc,” you’re going to have success, and if you do “xyz,” your romance is doomed. You’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to have moments where you aren’t at your best. Finding ways to move forward is key.
Reflect on Your Past
When a relationship is over, the last thing any of us wants to do is go back and rehash what went wrong. The past is in the past for a reason after all.
Our pasts, however, can be a helpful tool for navigating any future relationships. Instead of viewing it as a negative, approach your past with curiosity.
Your focus should not be on blaming yourself or your exes. Instead, use it as an opportunity for growth. Avoid being judgmental or critical. Relationships are a two-way street, requiring certain efforts on both sides.
Don’t Get Stuck There
As you take the opportunity to explore your past, don’t fall victim to getting stuck there. It can be a great teacher, but that should be its only purpose.
It can be difficult to isolate the negative attributes and mistakes from the positive memories. Resist the urge to ruminate on happy times while traveling down memory lane. Returning to those situations, especially when dysfunctional patterns are present, will rarely end favorably the second time.
Look for Recurring Patterns
As you explore your past, look for specific things. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself.
Do you have any noticeable patterns or trends that you typically default to? Do your partners of choice fall under the same “type?”
How do you react towards your partner when you’re under stress? Do you respond to any relationship stress itself?
Understanding your behaviors within a relationship is helpful to initiate change. Only you have the power to change yourself. Can you improve your patience, compassion, kindness, conflict resolution, or stress management? Do you need to work on your communication skills? Can your boundaries be better enforced?
Adjust Expectations
Our expectations can be a huge driving factor for relationship mishaps. It’s easy to want the fairy tale, picture-perfect love story. Various media, including books, movies, and social media, lead us to see fabricated realities.
You need to understand that being happy 100% of the time isn’t real. If you’re hoping for perfection, you should consider adjusting your expectations. Reevaluate your goals and desires to avoid disappointment.
Be Mindful of Comparison
Comparison is rarely a helpful tool and won’t do you any favors in a relationship. Unfortunately, it’s a reasonably natural tendency.
Avoid comparing any potential partners to those in your past. Your comparisons can start to shape your feelings and interactions.
Similarly, avoid comparing your partner to the relationships of your friends and family members. Every relationship is a personal experience to the two people involved. Neither their positive nor negative experiences are intertwined with yours.
Improve Your Communication Skills
Communication is the foundation for all relationships. If you’ve had past gaps in communication, now is a great time to brush up on your skills.
While some people have communication down, the vast majority can benefit from some level of practice. Think active listening, use of “I” statements, body language, tone of voice, eye contact, having an open mind, conflict resolution, and admitting when you’re wrong.
Working with a Professional Relationship Counselor
Trying to learn from and improve upon past mistakes isn’t always an easy feat. There may be times when an outside perspective can be helpful.
Are you interested in guidance to help unlock a happy and rewarding relationship? Contact us to schedule your first session.