Identifying and Dealing with Emotional Infidelity
Infidelity is a betrayal of trust, a violation of the exclusive agreement you make with a partner. This act of unfaithfulness is most often associated with physical actions, like a tryst or an ongoing affair.
Infidelities can also manifest in emotional forms, which may appear somewhat better or preferred. Unfortunately, emotional infidelity can leave a deeper wound. Here’s a closer look at what emotional infidelity is.
What Is Emotional Infidelity?
Emotional infidelity occurs when a deep emotional attachment is formed with another person outside of your committed relationship. It doesn’t necessarily involve any form of sexual or physical contact.
When it does happen, it takes the focus away from your relationship. It consumes your energy and attention. Regardless of its manifestation, it’s a breach of boundaries.
Signs of an Emotional Infidelity
Catching a physical affair is easier in the grand scheme because it has a clear-cut line. Emotional infidelities can be more challenging to recognize, as there is a wide scope of what constitutes an emotional affair.
Here are some common red flags to be aware of if you’re in any way concerned.
An emotional rift: You and your partner should have a solid connection. If you notice any distance beginning to form, it could be related to redirected feelings elsewhere.
An increase in secrecy: You and your partner shouldn’t make it a habit of going through each other's phones or emails, but if you notice a sudden increase in wanting to be private, this could be problematic. This could occur with daily whereabouts, phone usage, or social media activity.
Communication with someone else: It’s not abnormal to have conversations with friends and other acquaintances, but texting or calling frequently and at odd hours could be concerning.
Receiving support elsewhere: Leaning on your support system is a necessity in life. For major challenges, you and your partner should lean on each other. If you notice a priority to seek support from someone else first, or validation from another, start paying attention.
Lying: Lying, in any form, is a red flag. Hiding the occurrence and frequency of interactions with another person can be suspect.
The Impact of Emotional Infidelity
Emotional infidelity is a glaring disconnect between you and your partner. As humans, we thrive on the ability to connect with others and find safety and security when entering into a committed relationship.
The consequence of emotional infidelity is broken trust, loss of that feeling of safety, emotional discomfort, and heartache. These wounds aren’t easy to repair. Even on a good day, there’s often something that lingers on.
Once trust is broken, it’s a long road ahead to feel like you can wholeheartedly trust a partner again. Whether you stay in this relationship or move on to a new one, that distrust may follow.
When you reach a point of emotional disconnect, your level of intimacy will often decline. It’s hard to want to be vulnerable and sexual with someone who betrayed you.
If you choose to stay in the partnership, you’ll likely experience a gut feeling that you need to be looking over your shoulder. Having that internal voice tell you to watch your partner can be exhausting. It can also lead to increased conflict. Little issues transform into full-blown arguments and frustrations. Suspicions may also drive an increase in fighting.
How to Heal and Move Forward
Being able to heal yourself and repair the relationship after an emotional infidelity can be a long journey. It takes a good amount of effort and time on both sides. Time may heal all wounds, but it isn’t often fast.
Opening up the lines of communication to have honest exchanges is key. You need to explore why the situation occurred in the first place before you can start to reconnect.
Therapy offers a great environment for you both to explore the emotional infidelity that occurred. Together, we can work to re-establish your boundaries, define appropriate behaviors, practice effective communication, and rebuild your emotional and physical connection.
If your relationship is facing this challenge, we’re here to help. Contact us to learn more.