Getting Mad: When Anger Is Therapeutic and When It’s Not
Anger is a natural, instinctive response to threats. When we feel anger, it signals that something isn’t right and that we need to take action. Therapeutic anger allows us to fight for our needs and can be a powerful motivator. But when anger isn’t managed constructively, it can destroy our mental and physical health, as well as our relationships with others.
The key is recognizing when anger is beneficial and when it becomes detrimental.
When Is Anger Therapeutic?
Setting Boundaries
One of the healthiest functions of anger is telling us when our boundaries have been crossed. Feeling angry during these moments can help us recognize that we need to assert ourselves. Anger in this context helps us speak up, communicate our limits, and demand respect.
For example, if a coworker keeps interrupts your workflow with unnecessary tasks, you might feel frustrated. That frustration can be a cue that you need to establish clear boundaries around your time.
Motivating Change
Anger can push us to make necessary changes in our lives, whether it’s advocating for ourselves or fighting for social justice. Many social movements for human rights were fueled by collective anger at unfair treatment.
In personal settings, anger can help us realize when something in our lives is no longer working. Perhaps you’ve stayed too long in an unfulfilling job or in an emotionally draining relationship. Anger can give you that sense of urgency that’ll lead to positive change.
Releasing Emotions
Repressed anger often leads to resentment and can negatively affect relationships with others. Expressing anger—whether by talking it out, writing about it, or engaging in physical activity—allows us to process emotions and avoid bottling them up.
For example, venting your frustration to a trusted friend or your therapist can be a healthy way to release the emotional burden of overwhelming emotions. When done in a safe, non-violent manner, this kind of expression can help you feel heard.
When Is Anger Harmful?
Chronic Anger and Health Risks
Being angry for a long period can have serious consequences for physical health. Research shows that sustained anger contributes to issues like high blood pressure, heart disease, and weakened immune function. Constantly being in a state of agitation also triggers stress hormones like cortisol, which can lead to weight gain, sleep issues, and anxiety.
Explosive Anger and Aggression
When anger leads to outbursts or aggressive behavior, it’s harmful to both the person expressing it and those on the receiving end. Lashing out at others, yelling, or becoming physically aggressive damages relationships and traumatizes those around you.
Misplaced Anger
Sometimes we direct our anger toward the wrong person or situation. For instance, if you’re angry at a stressful day at work, but you come home and yell at your partner, your anger is misplaced. This can harm your relationships, since your loved ones feel unfairly targeted.
Reflecting on the true source of your anger is an important way of avoiding misdirection.
Tips for Managing Anger
Pause before reacting: When you feel your anger rising, take a moment to breathe and reflect. This can prevent impulsive outbursts.
Identify the source: Reflect on why you’re angry. Is it a boundary violation? An injustice? Knowing the reason helps you address the issue directly.
Communicate assertively, not aggressively: Use “I” statements to express your feelings without placing blame. For example, “I feel upset when my time isn’t respected,” is more productive than, “You never listen to me!”
Getting Help
If anger is controlling your life and affecting your relationships, it’s time to talk to a therapist. In therapy, you can learn how to channel your anger into more therapeutic, productive goals. You’ll also work on positive coping mechanisms that will help you avoid damaging your relationships.
To find out more about how anger management therapy can help you understand your anger, please reach out to us.